How to Communicate Confidently (Even if You're An Introvert)
I was the middleman (woman, he/she/they).
The one between the IT Department and the Business.
Let’s say the IT Department are the Introverts.
The Business are the Extraverts.
I am in the middle. I’m the Ambivert.
I am naturally quite introverted. I worry about what to say, I rehearse in my head (or I used to). I rarely friends request anyone (I wait for them to ask me). The boys at school didn’t ask me out because I was “standoffish” – they told me this after I left school. I find large numbers of people quite difficult to be around for a long time.
But at the same time, I love people. I enjoy socialising. I will speak up if I need to. I’m happy to join networking groups. I enjoy training, presenting and talking. I turn up in places on my own.
None of the last section are easy for me, but I have been practicing for years and do and enjoy them once I am there.
I think perhaps this is because I grew up in an enormous family. This overrode my introverted nature and gave me some extravert skills.
Communication is key
I make the perfect middleman between the introverts and the extraverts.
For 4 years I was the go-between in our business. We were building a new bespoke business system and good communication was needed for it to be successful.
Knowing when to talk to the business and knowing how to translate it to the IT Department is a skill I didn’t really know I possessed until I started thinking about it recently. Not to mention travelling the world to provide training to our international and European offices.
In these circumstances, communication is key.
But not just one type of communication, you have to learn how other cultures communicate.
You have to read body language.
You have to question and re-question.
In NLP we talk about “The meaning of communication is not what you say, but the response you get”.
It is easy to blame others when something you have said is misunderstood. “They weren’t listening”, “They don’t care”, “They did it wrong on purpose”.
It’s very unlikely that these are true phrases and if people keep misunderstanding you, it’s time to look at the way you are giving instruction.
There are so many facets to this, here are a few:
Are they a small or big picture person?
If they are big picture, they will get confused and bored by too much detail.
If they are small picture, they will feel frustrated without the detail. Giving them the big picture will overwhelm them and they will feel stuck.
You can tell if someone is big or small picture fairly easily.
Ask a simple question – What is your favourite holiday?, how was your journey today?, what are you having for tea tonight?
The big picture person will tell you the country they love going to and perhaps a bit about the weather or what they do.
The small picture person will rattle on for ages about the name of the hotel, it’s exact position in the town, the local food, the language…..
The next thing to look at when people are not hearing you is…
Do they understand why it’s important?
It may seem obvious to you. But it’s not always to others.
There was a time working on this project that not all the information was input to fully populate the dropdown menus. Because of this, some of the people using the system selected the nearest thing. In doing this, the whole system was messed up. This resulted in people potentially being paid incorrectly, being allowed to work in unsafe conditions, not being tracked properly.
To me it seemed obvious, just ask for the correct information to be input.
Because the understanding of why it needed to be correct was missing from the communication, it didn’t seem important to the other person.
As soon as I explained that they could ask me to make the changes, and why this was important, the issue did not arise again.
Prefer to watch a video (or read on)...
Am I saying what I think out loud, or am I expecting them to guess?
This is so common, especially among introverts. Expecting others to guess what you are thinking because you don’t want to say it. Then you spend the next 3 weeks going over and over in your head what you should have said, what they should have done, why are you not valued as a member of the team, why don’t people listen, why do you have to spell everything out, why did you say that, why did you not say this…… on and on the chatter goes.
If you learn the tools to speak up, and in a way others understand, life gets a lot easier.
It may not feel easy at first, it may feel almost impossible. That is why learning the skills (if it is a skill it can be learned) is so important.
DISC personality profile
I love DISC, I use it with all of my clients. It is a way of discovering your personality preferences. Here’s a summary:
D: Dominant
Likes to instruct, can be abrupt and loud, wants things done yesterday.
I: Influencing
Likes to talk (a lot!), a real motivator and team player, can be over-exuberant, struggles to finish things.
S: Steady
Likes people but a few and in a quiet way, gentle in manner and a team player wanting the best for everyone. Slow to get going and hates change.
C – Compliant
Likes rules, does things in an orderly way, not people focussed, can take some time to finish as detail is very important.
Most of the clients I work with fall into the C/S category, I am an “I”. We are very different in our styles. Learning how to communicate is important to get the best outcome.
The CS personalities often feel inspired and motivated by my coaching, but I have to be careful to give time and space for thought.
You may have found yourself in the middle of a big team with lots of different characters, you may find that you have an expanding family, or that you just want to be heard more clearly.
How do you feel about it now?
Let me know on a scale of 1-10 how confident you feel about speaking and being heard.
How would it feel to be able to speak up more confidently?
My clients have changed their lives by changing their communication. If I can and they can, you can too.
If you are ready to start taking part in your own life, book a free introductory call.
How can an Introductory Call benefit me?
I know (as someone with introvert tendencies), having a call may feel like the last thing in the world you would want to do. I know that feeling of staring at the phone thinking, I really want to do something but this feels very scary. In all honesty, I still feel the same for a second when the phone starts to ring!
The reason it is important is that we need to know if we want to work with each other. This works 2 ways.
Building a relationship where you feel confident enough to tackle some deep issues with me starts here. Before you part with any money, before you commit to 3, 6 or 12 months deep work, we both need to know it's the right thing for you.
Because I understand how hard it is, booking the introductory call via the website creates the whole initial link. You get the meeting time you want, you receive the zoom link and reminders and then, when the time comes, we have an informal chat about what you want out of all of this. I will guide you the whole way and during this first call, we will already begin to design the life you want.
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My membership will surround you with inspiring and positive people.
My Emails, YouTube and Social Media posting will give you the daily boost you need to know you are not alone, others are going through similar things and it is possible to change if you choose to.
Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.
Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Holistic Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club.
Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together. Or why not get started with her FREE 'Life Change Kickstart' Mini course
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